So Cute, It's Scary

There's a reason that the Japanese words for "cute" (kawaii -- かわいい) and "scary" (kowai -- 怖い) are so similar.

His name is Gorie.

Gorie is a cross-dressing Japanese cheerleader with a penchant for pink and pigtails. His hit music video "Pecori Night" will be the inspiration for a dance routine at my school's cultural festival on Saturday. The dancers in this performance include four Japanese middle school teachers ... and, yes, me.

And we'll all be dressed in pink cheerleading outfits. My fellow teachers have assured me that this is all very "kawaii." I think otherwise.

A week ago, one of these teachers/Gorie wannabes innocently asked me if I'd be interested in dancing with them at the cultural festival. I instantly (read: stupidly) agreed, thinking that the "dancing" might involve traditional Japanese music and choreography. And, hey, maybe it'd give me an opportunity to bond with some of my fellow teachers outside of the staff room.

Little did I know that the "dance" would involve dozens of super genky cheerleading-inspired moves and a flamingo-pink mini skirt and cheerleading top that don't fit, despite the fact that they're labeled "men's" size (kind of kowai in itself).

The worst part is that I'm the weakest link. After three hours of after-school practice, I still don't know the routine. And I'm the only one. Apparently, the Japanese are pre-programmed for this sort of thing, as my fellow dancers mastered the entire thing in approximately 7 minutes. So, tonight, one of them lent me the Gorie CD, complete with a step-by-step illustrated guide to the routine. She suggested I practice.

I'm blogging instead.

So, tomorrow morning, I'm bustin' out "Pecori Nights" for the 500 students at my school, their parents, and the teachers who are smart enough to be sitting in the audience instead of dancing on stage. Here's what we're supposed to look like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYgnvpGEg68

Of course, I find this all hilarious. Sort of.